Second Pregnancy Update: 30 Weeks

30 Weeks!

I'm 30 weeks and two days today, and time is flying by! I meant to post this update on Saturday, but the weekend was busy so I didn't get to it until today.

Pregnancy Symptoms

Although the new type of progesterone makes me sleepy, it's actually been very convenient. The medicine I took in the first trimester would knock me out for a few hours, and then I would be wide awake for several hours in the middle of the night. This medicine did that the first night, but since then I have slept very well. I still wake up once or twice, but I have no problems going back to sleep again and I usually feel very rested the next morning.

Early in the pregnancy, I noticed my tongue was starting to look abnormal. Because I drink a lot of hot tea and enjoy soup all year around, I assumed for a long time that I just kept burning my mouth (yes, I'm that clumsy). Acidic foods would aggravate it and make it more painful, and there were pink and white patchy spots scattered on the surface. It wasn't until recently that I realized it might be related to pregnancy hormones or a new allergy. After doing some research, I discovered that what I am experiencing is called "geographic tongue." It can be a sign of dehydration or a food allergy, so I began drinking more water and paying attention to whether or not certain foods made it worse. It wasn't until I switched to my new progesterone that it got noticeably better. After a few days the geographic tongue came back, so I'm pretty sure it's a mild reaction to the progesterone. If I'm correct, then the issue should quickly correct itself when I come off of the medication. We'll see!

A Few Thoughts

We found out from my perinatologist on Thursday that my cervix has shortened in the two weeks since my previous appointment. It wasn't really bad news, but it wasn't ideal either. Because of what happened last time with Addie, he wasn't really too surprised. The good news is that the cervix is still firm and there is no stress on the stitches, but there is some concern that I could go into premature labor before the cerclage comes out. He told us that because the cervix has shortened, he will be removing the stitches at 36 weeks. It's crazy to think that I only have six more weeks with the cerclage. That's not a long time; and though it may not happen, I could go into labor with Tessa the same day or shortly after it's removed! Our baby girl could be joining us very soon! The perinatologist told us that if I go into labor in the next few weeks, then the objective will be to stop the labor. G and I are praying that she waits just a little bit longer before she tries to join us. Just six more weeks, Baby Girl!

The ultrasound technician at the perinatal appointment revealed that Tessa is (still or once again) breech. Even my OB thought she was [mostly] head down, and I think she was, but she's reverted to her former position. This was discouraging news for me because I really want to avoid having a C-section. If I arrive at 36 weeks and she is still breech, the perinatologist won't remove the cerclage. At that point, I'm sure discussions about cesareans will begin. Because she moves so much, I'm still hopeful that she can and will get into the correct position (and stay there) over the next few weeks. In the meantime, I'm continuing to do my birthing class exercises as much as possible to help encourage her to move. 

New pictures!

Nose and lips (sideways).

Honestly, I was really discouraged after Thursday's appointment. It seems that I keep having to relearn the lesson about letting go of expectations and trusting God with whatever comes my way. My aunt reminded me on the phone last night that the worst already happened. Ending up with a C-section or drugs, while not what I would want, is no where near as big of a deal as losing your child. That already happened, and even if it were to happen again unexpectedly with Tessa, I know from experience that God will not leave us. He got us through the worst once, and He can - and would - do it again. Since I'm so far along now, it's not likely that history would repeat itself (unless she were born with a fatal condition that we weren't aware of). My aunt also wisely said that fear is often simply incorrect belief. The more I thought about that, the more profound that definition became. So in an attempt to correct my belief, here's some of my biggest fears regarding my pregnancy with Tessa:

• That I will go into labor before the cerclage is removed, my cervix would tear (and it would be extremely painful), and that it would be difficult or impossible to install a standard cerclage for any future pregnancies (which would mean a transabdominal cerclage - something I hope I never have to get).
• That Tessa will stay breech and I will have to have a C-section, resulting in drugs (that could harm Tessa or her development), a long and painful recovery, and issues from the surgery that can never be resolved (such as recurring back problems from the epidural, permanent tenderness or muscle weakness at the incision site, etc.).

What's the incorrect belief that all of these fears stem from? I think, on some level, I've been believing that my plan and the way I want things to go is better than whatever God's plan is, which could be (and often is) completely different. Reading that makes me see how silly that is. Sure, God's plan might be something I wouldn't have chosen but His plan is always better than ours, even if it doesn't seem like it at first. It's good to be reminded of what you already know every now and then. Why is it so easy to get focused on things that really aren't going to matter in light of eternity? It's funny how quickly we forget what is really important in life. 

I think that because I had no control over what happened with Addie, I've been subconsciously clinging to the things I feel like I should be able to control instead of living in the knowledge that God is the one who has all of the control. Even if everything I am afraid of ends up happening, that won't surprise God. His plan, whatever it is, will not be thwarted. And because He loves me, I can rest in the knowledge that He is working all things together for my good and His glory. Since His glory is what I want more than anything anyway (even when I get caught up in trivial things and forget), then that's enough for me.

"I waited patiently for the Lord, and He turned to me and heard my cry for help. He brought me up from a desolate pit, out of the muddy clay, and set my feet on a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. How happy is the man who has put his trust in the Lord and has not turned to the proud or to those who run after lies! Lord my God, You have done many things- Your wonderful works and Your plans for us; none can compare with You. If I were to report and speak [of them], they are more than can be told." -Psalm 40:1-5