Second Pregnancy Update: 37 Weeks

37 Weeks!

Well, here we are! 37 weeks was the last major milestone we hoped to reach before Tessa arrives, and we made it! We're so thankful to God for getting us this far. If the Lord wills, and all goes well, we will be holding our little girl by this time in three days! THREE DAYS! That's so crazy. This has certainly been an emotional pregnancy for me, and not just because of the hormones. As much as I've loved being pregnant, I am so ready for a break.

I've felt a lot of things this week: excited, tired, bloated (all my pregnant mamas holla!). But in all seriousness (because I totally wasn't serious about the bloating...), I've also felt afraid. Fear of the unknown has always been something I've struggled with, and this week I've been afraid of experiencing complications during the surgery, of the possibility that God will ask us to give Him Tessa like He asked us to give Him Addie, and even of my own unexpected death. Could any - or all - of these things happen on Tuesday? Yes. We aren't promised tomorrow, and we aren't owed a long life. But you know what?

I'm not afraid now.

In my short years on this earth, I've noticed that the enemy works overtime when God is about to shake things up. And maybe whatever happens next week - good or bad - won't change the rest of the world. But it will change our world. As G and I head into our final weekend before Tessa arrives, another feeling rises up to replace the fear: hope.

"Now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You." -Psalm 39:7

"Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be shaken. My salvation and glory depend on God; my strong rock, my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge..." -Psalm 62: 5-8

"For You are my hope, Lord God, my confidence from my youth. I have leaned on You from birth; You took me from my mother's womb. My praise is always about You." -Psalm 71:5-6

"Listen, Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Protect my life, for I am faithful. You are my God; save Your servant who trusts in You. Be gracious to me, Lord, for I call to You all day long. Bring joy to Your servant's life, since I set my hope on You, Lord." -Psalm 86:1-4

In the face of an uncertain future, I am at rest in the knowledge that God's plans will come to pass. Nothing can thwart them, nobody can change them, and He will be glorified. That's all we want, at the end of the day. If everything I could ever fear comes to pass, then to God be the glory. If things go perfectly, the surgery is without complications, and Tessa lives a long and healthy life in our care, then to God be the glory. Because when you know the God that I know, feel the amazing freedom in Christ that I have felt, and experience the overwhelming and undeserving love that I have experienced from the Creator of the universe, everything else fades away. Like the old hymn says:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus 
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim 
In the light of His glory and grace

This will be the last update I post before Tessa arrives. I feel like I've been climbing a mountain for so long, and that the top is now in sight. What waits on the other side is still a mystery to me. The only thing I can see is the next step; the only thing I can hear is the call of God on the wind to trust Him and keep climbing.

So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

"God, You are my God; I eagerly seek You. I thirst for You; my body faints for You in a land that is dry, desolate, and without water. So I gaze on You in the sanctuary to see Your strength and Your glory. My lips will glorify You because Your faithful love is better than life. So I will praise You as long as I live; at Your name, I will lift up my hands. You satisfy me as with rich food; my mouth will praise You with joyful lips. When, on my bed, I think of You, I meditate on You during the night watches because You are my help; I will rejoice in the shadow of Your wings. I follow close to You; Your right hand holds on to me." -Psalm 63:1-8

Second Pregnancy Update: 36 Weeks

36 weeks and crazy hair!

Today we get to celebrate both Independence Day and reaching the last critical milestone of 36 weeks with this pregnancy!

Pregnancy Symptoms
I pretty much live in maternity sweats and pajama bottoms at this point. Anything else seems to put too much pressure on my lower abdomen, and makes me feel very uncomfortable. Plus, Tessa pushes back against anything that touches my skin (even lightly), which makes everything feel tighter.

Emotionally and spiritually, I am in a really good place. At least once a week I will get a little bit weepy, but I think it's mostly because of pregnancy hormones, being tired, and just wanting to meet our baby already!

A Few Thoughts
We met with the perinatologist on Thursday, and he said he doesn't think we'll need to meet with him again (at least for this pregnancy). He told us two things that we were expecting to hear. The first is that Tessa is still breech. However, he seems to think that her little bottom is wedged down in my pelvis, which is why she hasn't really changed her orientation at all and why she hasn't turned. The possibility of her being stuck in that position was something I had wondered about many times, and having that suspicion confirmed was kind of a relief. At least I know I've done everything I could do to help her turn, and I really feel like she's tried very hard to do so over the last few weeks. Poor baby! Anyway, the second thing he told us is that we will need to schedule a cesarean. I think the Lord has been preparing me for this scenario, because I've felt in my heart for a while now that this is the path I will have to take. Fortunately, He helped me deal with my fears and insecurities before having that reality confirmed. It would have been a very hard blow to hear that news during the appointment if He had not. What a loving God.

While we figured Tessa was still breech and that the perinatologist would recommend a cesarean, we were surprised by several pieces of information. After taking careful measurements of Tessa and examining her closely himself, the perinatologist said it looked like her weight gain could be slowing down just a little bit. He doesn't put much stock in averages (unless something is very abnormal), but the average weight for babies at this point is about 5 1/2 pounds. Based on the measurements he took, Tessa seemed to be weighing in at 4 pounds 15 ounces. The perinatologist didn't seem to think this was a problem - especially since all of her other measurements were normal - but he did say that it's possible that the placenta is not getting as many nutrients to her at this point. My thoughts immediately went to my appetite over the last two weeks. For whatever reason, I haven't felt very hungry. Or if I was hungry, I didn't feel like eating. So I know I haven't eaten nearly as much as I should, and I definitely haven't been getting in the recommended 100g of protein a day. After hearing what he had to say about her weight gain though, I have picked up my eating again (even if it's lots of protein-packed snacks throughout the day). Hopefully that will help, but even if that isn't the cause, I'm relieved that the perinatologist wasn't concerned.

The other information that surprised us, is that he recommended the date for the cesarean be much sooner than what my OB had originally suggested. At my last appointment with her, she wanted to schedule it for July 24. I would have been 38 weeks and 6 days; just one day shy of the 39 week minimum set by the hospital for all C-sections (unless a doctor deems it medically necessary to have it earlier). Instead, the perinatologist said the surgery needs to be scheduled between 37 and 38 weeks. The risks to Tessa would increase as would the likelihood that I would go into labor if it is any later than that. He was very kind to me, and said that although he knew I wanted to labor naturally, I did extremely well to get this far in the pregnancy without any problems. He also encouraged me and said that just because I need to have a cesarean this time around doesn't mean I can't attempt a natural birth with future pregnancies. While Tessa could still turn before the surgery, he doesn't think it is very likely. Honestly, I don't think that's going to happen either. I'm okay with it at this point though, since I just want to hold her in my arms at last!

This Tuesday is the next appointment with my OB and since she has been very anxious about me going into labor with a breech baby, it wouldn't surprise me if she will want to schedule the surgery for as soon as possible. Either way, it won't be more than two weeks before our little girl arrives on the scene!

"For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I will praise You, because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know [this] very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all [my] days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began." -Psalm 139:13-16