Friday, September 19, 2014

Pregnancy Update: 23 Weeks - Say Hello (and Goodbye) to Adelyn Jane

23 weeks!
I had written yesterday's update and all I needed to do was post my 23 week picture, but the day took an unexpected turn. It was Hubby's birthday, and we planned to go out and eat dinner and walk around a few stores at the mall. While he was at work, I experienced what I thought was a Braxton Hicks contraction. All of my researching had taught me that although it's most normal to get them during the third trimester, many women start feeling them in the second. Typically, they are few and far between, and very irregular. Well, after confirming with my mom the suspicions I had about the contractions, I told her I would call the midwife if I felt anymore throughout the day. 

Other than feeling a little tight (but not feeling noticeable tightening), I felt fine, so I went about my afternoon. While I was styling my hair and makeup, I felt several more contractions that were close together. As time went by, the contractions continued. Sometimes there would be three or four in the span of four minutes, and other times ten, fifteen, or even twenty minutes would go by before the next one would start. They were very irregular in their occurrence, though I never went more than thirty or forty-five minutes without feeling something. When G got home, I told him about the contractions, and he recommended I call my midwife and ask for advice. They told me not to exercise for a few days (because I mentioned doing a new low-intensity exercise DVD that morning), and recommended that I take it easy. She felt that as long as I didn't start having contractions at regular, timeable intervals, I was probably okay.

With this in mind, G and I headed out and went to a Restoration Hardware store to look around for a few minutes before going to dinner. From the time I finished getting ready to the time we got home after eating, I had consistent (although irregular) contractions. Again, I had read that some women even had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions in the second trimester without anything being wrong. But we decided to play it safe and call my brother-in-law, who is a doctor, and ask for his advice. He recommended going to the emergency room to make sure nothing was wrong, and after waiting to see if I had more contractions (and I did), we called the midwife and she told us to come in.

Honestly, I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. My contractions weren't painful, just uncomfortable. Yet the closer we got to the hospital, the more they went beyond being "just uncomfortable." After getting set up in a temporary room, the midwife joined us and did a quick examination. When she was through, I could tell by the expression on her face that something wasn't okay. She said the amniotic sac was pushing through into the vaginal canal, and that my cervix looked like it was completely (or almost completely) dilated. The contractions, she said, were actual labor contractions (in spite of their irregularity), and that I would have to stay in the hospital for at least a week without delivering before Baby Girl's chances of survival would increase. A specialist came in and went over the different scenarios, both for if I managed not to deliver in 36 hours and also for if I did. G and I agreed that we would do whatever we possibly could to save her, even if it meant being in the hospital for a long time. The specialist informed us about the reality of our situation; that if our baby lived, there was a high percentage she would be heavily mentally impaired, possibly blind, and possibly never able to walk. Fortunately none of this scared me, because I know a God who isn't bound by human statistics, no matter how "accurate" they are. I knew without a doubt that if it were His will, He could and would give us a healthy baby girl.

They moved me to a normal delivery room (and thank goodness, a more comfortable bed) and I felt my contractions starting to increase both in regularity and intensity. Then the back labor started. The nurses had angled my bed so that my head was lower than my feet, in an attempt to use gravity to encourage the amniotic sac back into the uterus. Unfortunately, this put more pressure on my back and whenever I would have a contraction, my back would start hurting severely. The contractions themselves weren't comfortable either, and even got fairly painful after a while, but the back labor made it so much worse. I'm not sure how much time passed while I was experiencing this, but the nurses finally gave me pain medicine and a sleep aid with the intent of stopping my labor and contractions. I did eventually fall asleep for a while, and the contractions stopped (or I didn't notice them because of the pain medicine). I woke up a little while later when my water broke. About thirty minutes later - at 3:45am - we welcomed to the world our sweet girl, Adelyn Jane. She was smaller than they expected, though I'm certain my due date was accurate within a couple of days, so I think she was just a petite little baby. She was too early to remain with us for long, and God graciously gave us one hour with her. We loved her and held her as much as we could. 

Addie was so beautiful, guys. She was really tiny, but every part of her looked perfect. She had the sweetest little lips, chin, and nose. While she was with us, she had just the faintest little hint of a smile on her face. It was absolutely precious! Even after she went home to be with the Lord, she was still exquisite. Her features were so dainty and smooth that she looked like a baby doll. A few hours later, both of our parents and my brother made it to the hospital. They were all able to spend as much time as they wanted holding her and admiring her sweet face. It was a special time, filled with both joy and grief. And that "peace that passes understanding," the same peace that filled me when my dear friend Katie died unexpectedly? I felt it so much more strongly today; so much so, that I didn't even feel any sorrow until we were discharged this afternoon. 

Before we left the hospital (G's parents left a few hours earlier), we all got to say special goodbyes to Adelyn. My mom, dad, and brother said theirs first, then Hubby and I had a moment alone with her to say goodbye. We would leave her behind at the hospital, where someone would be picking her up to take her to a cousin who is a mortician. She offered to personally oversee the preparations for the private memorial service we are having for her on Monday, and it eases my mind so much to know that she's being cared for by family.

Even though I felt pretty great physically, I opted to let the nurse take me to our vehicle (which Dad offered to drive home for us) in a wheel chair. Each step we took away from that room increased an ache that my heart had begun to feel. If things had been different, she would be coming home with us. We wouldn't be leaving her behind. Yet I take comfort (and have taken comfort over the last 24 hours) in this passage from Job:

"The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Praise the name of the Lord." -Job 1:21

This has been a very difficult year for me, but I know it's been hard for pretty much everyone. This is yet another of the many struggles I am told in Scripture I will face as a Christian, yet none of them are in vain if I turn my heart to Christ.

"Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." -James 1:2-4

If you are going through a difficult time, know that you can find peace and strength to move forward in Jesus Christ. Without Christ, there is no way I could accept something so traumatizing as the death of my sweet child. Without Christ there is no purpose for my pain, no rainbow after the storm. Without Christ, there is no hope for a better tomorrow or a glorious reunion in eternity after death. If you don't know Him, just sit and read through the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John in the Bible. Turn your hearts to Him and find that peace that transcends understanding or comprehension. 

Until we meet again, Addie Jane...I love you.

3 comments:

  1. Sara, I do not know you but I know Roger only from FB. I read your post "A Snow White Life". What a courageous young woman you are. Your faith and trust in God is both amazing and an inspiration to me. I am so sorry for your's and G's loss. My prayers are with you and your family. May little Adelyn Jane rest in perfect peace. God bless you. ~ Jerry

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  2. I am sorry for you loss but rejoice with you in Adelyn's gain in Christ. No better verses for this time than James 1: 2-4 and the ones I also refer back to time and again during my own trials. With each one, my faith is strengthened. My prayers are with you and your family as you grieve and you find the peace that passes all understanding.
    God's Blessings

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  3. I am so, so sorry Sara. Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony of His peace and hope in the midst of such heartbreaking loss. I'm praying for you.

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