Sunday, December 28, 2014

Second Pregnancy Update: 9 Weeks

I'm nine weeks pregnant now, and It's funny how similar my current symptoms are to the ones I had at this stage with Addie. Here's what I've been experiencing over the last few weeks:

Fatigue: Moderate to Strong
Although I experienced lots of fatigue when I was pregnant with Adelyn, G and I both think that it has been much more intense this time. The progesterone pills I'm having to take list dizziness and drowsiness as some of the side-effects, so that could have something to do with it. Whatever the cause, I often feel like I could sleep all day long, and taking a nap doesn't determine how much I sleep at night. Today is the first day that I haven't felt exhausted, so maybe things are starting to improve.

Food Aversions: Very Strong
Last time, I had lots of food aversions, but smells didn't seem to bother me much. There were also a few things that I could eat without any problems. This time, smells of all kinds turn my stomach. Anything that smells strong - from greasy food to scented candles - sends me running from the room. Even smells I used to like are unbearable now! As far as food is concerned, there is very little that sounds good to me. And if I do manage to find something edible, I will only get a few bites down before I have to stop eating or switch to a different food. Sometimes a certain food will sound good, and the moment it's placed in front of me, my stomach starts to churn with displeasure. It's all part of the pregnancy process, but it can be very frustrating. Thankfully, there's a diner close to our house that is open 24/7/365 (no joke, and it's a pregnant lady's dream!), and we discovered that you can call in and place take out orders! Yesterday, I wanted some of their matzoh ball soup, so G picked up several things for me. It was the first meal I was able to eat a significant amount of in weeks! Today was my best day for eating so far, and if you know me, you know how exciting that is. Anyway, I have noticed that anything with a strong flavor or lots of seasonings really unsettles my stomach, so I'm trying to stay away from ethnic food until my eating gets better.

Cravings: Low to None
I didn't have many cravings at this point when I was pregnant with Addie, and it seems that is true for this pregnancy as well. There have been very few things that have sounded good to me, but a few things I have felt like eating have been a bean burrito from Taco Bell (gross, I know), potatoes and gravy from KFC (also gross, and I haven't had this yet), and of course, the matzoh ball soup. None of these things - except for the soup - have been "cravings," just things that haven't sounded awful. Although I normally eat very healthy, organic foods, I've noticed that I only crave junk when I'm pregnant. And if I eat it, I always regret it. Those "foods" just don't taste like they did when I was a child, and it's probably because my body loves healthy food now. I'm curious to see what foods I crave over the next few months. Please be fruits and veggies!

Nausea: Mild to Moderate
This is a new symptom for me, since I didn't experience morning sickness last time. Early on, I just felt mildly nauseated a couple of times a week. Now I feel nauseated every day, for at least a little while. There were a few days where I felt very strong nausea, and if I don't eat for several hours, it comes on very quickly. I haven't actually gotten sick yet, and I'm hoping that won't happen. Although with the moderate nausea, I would rather get it over with and feel better. Today, things have been significantly better. Although there were a few moments of mild nausea, I haven't felt this good in weeks!

Other Symptoms:
  • The bleeding from the hemorrhage has stopped completely now.
  • I had a lot of acne outbreaks on my face for several weeks, but those have significantly decreased over the last few days.
  • I felt pretty achey all over on a few random days, but that seems to have improved as well.
A Few Thoughts
There have been times where I was tempted to be fearful about the future and discouraged because things haven't gone the way that I expected them to, but then I remember Who holds our future (and that of our baby). This has been a hard year for lots of people, including me and G, but God has not abandoned us in our struggles and heartaches. The future is uncertain, but the Lord is still on the throne. God doesn't always give me what I want, and it doesn't always feel pleasant. I don't always understand why or how things happen the way they do, but I do know that God uses all circumstances for good. I think oftentimes, the trials that we face in life - both big and small - have a much bigger purpose than we can understand. So whether I give the child in my womb back to Him earlier than I expect to (like with Addie), or I carry to term and give birth to a healthy baby, I trust Him. He's good all the time, and that truth is not dependent on my level of understanding about the situation. We're going to face lots of difficult things over the next year. It's going to be hard when we hear this baby's heartbeat for the first time, because my mind will go back to the first time we heard Addie's. We will struggle on January 15th, because that was Addie's due date. It will be bittersweet when we find out the sex, because the memories of that 20 week ultrasound - the special day we named our first child Adelyn Jane - will come rushing back. And if I reach and pass my 23rd week of pregnancy with this baby, there will be pain as we remember what happened at that point with Addie. G's birthday (as well as Adelyn's, which was the next day) will always have those painful memories attached to it. Yet look at the beautiful words of God that we can cling to in those hard times:

"Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy." -Psalm 126:5

"Youths may faint and grow weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:30-31"

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, because the kingdom of heaven is theirs. Blessed are those who mourn, because they will be comforted." -Matthew 5:3-4

"We are pressured in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who live are always given over to death because of Jesus, so that Jesus' life may also be revealed in our mortal flesh...Therefore we do not give up; even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. -2 Corinthians 4:8-11, 16-18

"So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up." -Galatians 6:9

"I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." -Philippians 1:6

"Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." -James 1:2-4

No matter what troubles you may have faced so far, or what troubles are yet to come, know that there is always a purpose for your pain. You alone must decide whether you will let your circumstances define you or refine you. Trust in the Lord, friend, and have faith. He loves you so much, and He's not finished with you yet!

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Second Pregnancy Update: 7 Weeks

7 weeks! Not a great picture because
the lighting was bad inside.
The last couple of weeks have been really crazy for us. About a week and a half after I took my first pregnancy test, I decided to take another one. I admit that it was done purely out of emotion, not reason, which is the opposite from how I normally do things. When I found out I was pregnant with Addie, I had a hard time wrapping my brain around that reality. I ended up taking another test the following day, because I thought that the news would finally sink in with two positive tests. When I took the second test this time, it was after thinking about Addie. Again, the news was taking a while to sink in, so I thought another positive test would help. I took the test, waited three minutes, and was startled by the appearance of only one line. Negative? I had expected to see two lines again, so when I only saw one, I tried not to panic. As I stared at the test, I noticed that the left line (the line that normally appears when you get a positive result) was there, but the right line (the one that is always there regardless of the result) wasn't showing up. On the test itself and even on the box, that right line was always pictured. Maybe there has been some kind of mistake. I asked the Lord for help, texted G to tell him what happened, and called my mom, who then told me to call the doctor's office and ask them what I should do. I left a message on the nurse's answering machine, and waited for her to return my call.

Mom decided to come over so that I wouldn't be by myself, bringing more tests with her in case I felt like taking another one later. Maybe the first one was defective, or I was reading the result incorrectly. The nurse called back around lunchtime and told me to come in for a blood test. During this time, Mom had scoured the internet to see if she could find anything about the right line disappearing while the left line shows up. She read on one site that another lady experienced the same situation. That lady called the pregnancy test company to ask about her result, and they told her that her hormone levels were so high that it caused the right test line to disappear. Whether that happened to me or not, it eased my mind. The results of the first test came back the next day, and everything was fine. I was definitely pregnant, and all my levels were normal. I went on another day for a second blood test to make sure my hormone levels were increasing properly, and they were. So in hindsight, I feel a little silly for not just accepting my first positive pregnancy test. If I had not taken the second test, it would have prevented a lot of stress.

Last weekend was also stressful. My brother came to stay with us for a few days (which was great), and after service on Sunday, I went to the restroom and discovered that I had bled through all of my clothes. My heart sank a little and I thought, I'm having a miscarriage. I'm losing this baby too. In the midst of my concern, I remembered that God was still in control, and that He would take care of us. We quickly left the church and drove directly to the hospital. I spoke to my OBGYN on the way, and she gave me a brief list of things that could be happening, including miscarriage. She told me what to do, and what I could expect to happen when we arrived. We waited in the ER waiting room for 20-30 minutes, which really wasn't too bad. I knew that there was probably nothing that could be done, whether I was miscarrying or not, so I tried to relax and be patient. G took a few minutes to pray over me, which helped me a lot. We both thought I was probably miscarrying, and we prepared ourselves mentally and emotionally to receive that information from a doctor. Not long after we were taken back to a room, a nurse took me to another room to have some ultrasounds done. I also had more blood drawn, and another nurse came in to check my blood pressure. After waiting a little longer, a doctor came in to discuss the results of the tests.

It turns out that I have something called a "subchorionic hemorrhage," which is when blood pools up in a pocket between the amniotic sac and the uterine wall. Apparently these types of hemorrhages are fairly common, and as long as they aren't too big, they won't cause any problems. Often, the body will reabsorb the blood, or the pocket will drain, which would result in bleeding. In some cases, depending on the size of the hemorrhage, it can cause the placenta to separate from the uterine wall (which can cause a miscarriage). Fortunately, the hemorrhage I have is very small, so the doctor said I had a "threatened miscarriage." I had another appointment with my OBGYN on Tuesday, which worked out perfectly since the hemorrhage would need to be monitored closely. Fortunately, we found out that the hemorrhage had decreased since I was in the hospital, so it looks like the problem will resolve itself. The best part of the appointment was getting to see our baby! Of course, it's so tiny right now that it doesn't look much like a baby, but we were excited to take home the first ultrasound picture.

Here's the first picture of our little blueberry!
The next appointment with my OBGYN as well as my first appointment with the perinatologist will be in January. January 15, 2015 was Addie's due date, so I know next month will probably be challenging for us. Thank you all for your prayers!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

The Lord Gives

"Delayed hope makes the heart sick, but fulfilled desire is a tree of life." -Proverbs 13:12

This verse was in a frame on a table at our wedding. We loved it at the time because it was so true of our situation. We had both waited on the Lord for a spouse, and that desire was being fulfilled at last. It has new meaning for me as I read it now, because I'm pregnant again!


On the Sunday before Thanksgiving, with G by my side, I stared at that positive pregnancy test and wept. I was happy, but I also felt relieved. Though we were open to whatever God had planned for us in this area, we both thought it would probably be a little while before I got pregnant again. Yet in His goodness, God has chosen to bless us with another child right away! Our hearts are so full. If you go by the book, I'm six weeks pregnant. But since I keep detailed charts because of NFP, I think I'm only at three and a half weeks. The official due date (for now) is July 2015.

When everything happened with Addie, our hopes for children were definitely delayed (though not destroyed, 2 Corinthians 4:9). I know there will be a lot of bittersweet moments in our future. Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time, finding out the sex, and giving birth (hopefully at the normal time) are all things that will make us think of Addie and remember what it was like to go through those things with her. She is always on my mind, especially when I think of what is to come with this baby. Whether we have many years ahead of us with this baby, or whether the Lord brings him or her home before we would like, we trust Him. He has proven His love to us over and over again, and although we don't know what He has planned for our future, we take comfort in the knowledge that He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

Hopefully I'll be able to start my pregnancy updates again soon!

"...The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Praise the name of the Lord." -Job 1:21