Second Pregnancy Update: 37 Weeks

37 Weeks!

Well, here we are! 37 weeks was the last major milestone we hoped to reach before Tessa arrives, and we made it! We're so thankful to God for getting us this far. If the Lord wills, and all goes well, we will be holding our little girl by this time in three days! THREE DAYS! That's so crazy. This has certainly been an emotional pregnancy for me, and not just because of the hormones. As much as I've loved being pregnant, I am so ready for a break.

I've felt a lot of things this week: excited, tired, bloated (all my pregnant mamas holla!). But in all seriousness (because I totally wasn't serious about the bloating...), I've also felt afraid. Fear of the unknown has always been something I've struggled with, and this week I've been afraid of experiencing complications during the surgery, of the possibility that God will ask us to give Him Tessa like He asked us to give Him Addie, and even of my own unexpected death. Could any - or all - of these things happen on Tuesday? Yes. We aren't promised tomorrow, and we aren't owed a long life. But you know what?

I'm not afraid now.

In my short years on this earth, I've noticed that the enemy works overtime when God is about to shake things up. And maybe whatever happens next week - good or bad - won't change the rest of the world. But it will change our world. As G and I head into our final weekend before Tessa arrives, another feeling rises up to replace the fear: hope.

"Now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You." -Psalm 39:7

"Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be shaken. My salvation and glory depend on God; my strong rock, my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge..." -Psalm 62: 5-8

"For You are my hope, Lord God, my confidence from my youth. I have leaned on You from birth; You took me from my mother's womb. My praise is always about You." -Psalm 71:5-6

"Listen, Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Protect my life, for I am faithful. You are my God; save Your servant who trusts in You. Be gracious to me, Lord, for I call to You all day long. Bring joy to Your servant's life, since I set my hope on You, Lord." -Psalm 86:1-4

In the face of an uncertain future, I am at rest in the knowledge that God's plans will come to pass. Nothing can thwart them, nobody can change them, and He will be glorified. That's all we want, at the end of the day. If everything I could ever fear comes to pass, then to God be the glory. If things go perfectly, the surgery is without complications, and Tessa lives a long and healthy life in our care, then to God be the glory. Because when you know the God that I know, feel the amazing freedom in Christ that I have felt, and experience the overwhelming and undeserving love that I have experienced from the Creator of the universe, everything else fades away. Like the old hymn says:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus 
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim 
In the light of His glory and grace

This will be the last update I post before Tessa arrives. I feel like I've been climbing a mountain for so long, and that the top is now in sight. What waits on the other side is still a mystery to me. The only thing I can see is the next step; the only thing I can hear is the call of God on the wind to trust Him and keep climbing.

So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

"God, You are my God; I eagerly seek You. I thirst for You; my body faints for You in a land that is dry, desolate, and without water. So I gaze on You in the sanctuary to see Your strength and Your glory. My lips will glorify You because Your faithful love is better than life. So I will praise You as long as I live; at Your name, I will lift up my hands. You satisfy me as with rich food; my mouth will praise You with joyful lips. When, on my bed, I think of You, I meditate on You during the night watches because You are my help; I will rejoice in the shadow of Your wings. I follow close to You; Your right hand holds on to me." -Psalm 63:1-8