Second Pregnancy Update: 22 Weeks

22 Weeks!

Pregnancy Symptoms
Not much has changed since last week. I've noticed (but forgotten to mention) that I might have developed an allergy to bandage adhesive. For the last month or so, if I've used a bandage, my skin has looked very red and splotchy after it is removed. With waterproof bandages, any skin that touches the adhesive gets really dry and flaky. Regardless of what kind I use, it leaves an outline from the bandage on my skin for a very long time. I could be sensitive because of pregnancy hormones, or as a side-effect to the progesterone shots. Either way, it's not a big deal.

After I went to bed on Thursday, I spent most of the night tossing and turning because I couldn't find a comfortable position (which is now limited to two - left side and right - since I can no longer sleep directly on my stomach). Baby Girl moved like crazy all night too, so I guess neither of us could get comfortable!

Her movements are continuing to increase in frequency, and it seemed at various points this week that she was responding to my voice when I would talk to her. Until now, there hasn't been much of a noticeable difference in how much she moved when I would speak verses her movements when it was quiet (except for when G would talk - she already loves her daddy). Maybe she's starting to recognize voices now!

A Few Thoughts
This week has been a little bit unusual for me emotionally. I think some of it has to do with the next pregnancy checkpoint being 23 weeks, and all of the memories associated with it. One morning, I woke up thinking about Adelyn and everything that transpired with her. Since there was nothing pressing for me to see to, I chose to lay in bed for a while longer and remember. No matter how well you handle heartache or how much you trust the Lord, there will still be moments of pain and grief. I was sad for a little while. Then the sun came out, the birds started singing, and I remembered that the Lord had made a brand new day. God has felt very near this week, by the way, and I'm comforted by the knowledge that He understands when we're feeling (even when I don't) and cares about what happens to us. Though I know next week will probably zoom by and be over before I can blink, I'm still dreading it. This is just something I'll have to get used to, because every year on Addie's birthday, and with every 23rd week of any future pregnancy, her precious face will return to my mind and I will remember. It will probably be sad, and maybe sometimes it will be happy. I'm just so grateful that the Lord is right here with us; growing us, sustaining us, and moving us toward the next thing. I'm glad these aren't wasted experiences or tears, and that He's using them for good in ways we can't fathom.

"God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble." -Psalm 46:1

Last year after Addie went ahead of us to be with the Lord, my mother-in-law and I planted some tulips. She had given them to G for his birthday, and she rightly believed that doing some gardening would be therapeutic for both of us. God is certainly showing us He cares for us, because they bloomed this week. To me, they serve as a reminder that our hope is not in vain, and if we keep trusting and following Jesus, He will make something beautiful out of our struggle. 

"There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven: a time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to avoid embracing; a time to search and a time to count as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away; a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to be silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. What does the worker gain from his struggles? I have seen the task that God has given people to keep them occupied. He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also put eternity in their hearts, but man cannot discover the work God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and enjoy the good life. It is also the gift of God whenever anyone eats, drinks, and enjoys all his efforts. I know that all God does will last forever; there is no adding to it or taking from it. God works so that people will be in awe of Him." -Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 (emphasis mine)

My dear friends, there is a time to die.

But there is also a time to give birth.

There is a time to uproot.

But there is also a time to plant.

There is a time to kill.

But there is also a time to heal.

There is a time to tear down.

But there is also a time to build.

There is a time to weep.

But there is also a time to laugh.

There is a time to mourn.

But there is also a time to dance.

I pray that I never get so focused on the time to die, uproot, kill, tear down, weep, and mourn that I miss out on the time to give birth, plant, heal, build, laugh, and dance! Though I'm definitely no Old Testament prophet, something tells me we are emerging from the darkness into the light. 

"[Lord Elrond] 'I looked into your future and I saw death.' [Arwen] 'But there is also life!'" -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

There's a strange sense of change in my spirit right now, and I think good things are in our future. They may not look like what we expect, but that won't change the fact that they are good, and for our good. Whatever God has in store for us and our families, I trust Him. God is still working, and we are in awe of Him.

Second Pregnancy Update: 21 Weeks

21 Weeks!

Different pregnancy symptoms have started to emerge over the last week!

Pregnancy Symptoms

The round ligament pain seems to have eased off temporarily, though it wouldn't surprise me if it came back before too long. It may be that some of the stretches I have to do in my birthing classes are helping that out. There is some occasional lower back pain, but that too could be related to some exercises that I'm doing for the class.

I've noticed that it's getting much harder to change sleeping positions at night, because my belly feels large and heavy! This will certainly increase the further along I get in the pregnancy, since my belly is just going to keep getting bigger. It hasn't been a problem so far, but it takes me way longer to roll from one side to the other than I am used to. At least I have lovely baby kicks to amuse me until I find a comfortable spot!

I also can't bend at the waist at all after eating a meal and if I stand up straight, I can't see my toes because my baby bump sticks out so far! That's not an issue for me though, because it means Baby Girl is still in there and still growing. From time to time, my belly will bump into something or press buttons accidentally. I have a feeling this will just become more common, too! Though it could be my imagination, I feel so much bigger at 21 weeks with this baby than at 23 weeks with Adelyn Jane!

One more thing that is different from last week is that my skin is starting to get very tight. I don't believe it's possible to prevent stretch marks (and that whether or not you get them is based on the natural elasticity of your skin), but I've been trying to keep plenty of homemade lotion on there so I don't get itchy. If I press my fingers into my abdomen, they don't really go anywhere, so it won't surprise me if I get some stretch marks in the coming weeks! Fortunately, the thought of my skin scarring from a growing baby bump doesn't upset me in the least. I see it as a medal of honor that marks my "mom status." When I was pregnant with Addie, I didn't get any because she was born too early. Rather than having the scars as a memory of my first pregnancy it was as if the entire thing hadn't happened at all, which was way worse to me than having scarred skin. Hopefully this time I'll get those beautiful belly marks to go along with the memories of this pregnancy!

A Few Thoughts

Wednesday was the 20 week anatomy scan. During that time, the technician carefully examined Baby Girl to check on her heart, brain, kidneys, and other important organs to make sure everything was working properly. They also checked for any physical abnormalities, took measurements (which I forgot to ask about), and checked the amniotic fluid levels. Everything looked great!

The appointment drew my thoughts to situations in which some babies are not healthy - or perhaps "typical". It seems to me that so many people are terrified by the possibility that their child could be born with a physical or mental handicap. Though I understand their desire for a healthy child, I believe those situations are nothing to be afraid of - or upset by if they should actually arise. Before I continue sharing my perspective, I'd like to say that I'm not talking about babies who are born with severe health problems that cause their lives to be cut short unexpectedly within hours of their births. Nor am I talking about the babies whose medical conditions cause them to be ill or in serious pain for most of their lives. These are all things to be concerned about. I'm merely referring to babies who are born with special needs or physical abnormalities. Here's what I believe about these (and all) children: they are uniquely created by God just like everyone else, and they have a vital role to play in His plans. Their significance in light of eternity isn't forfeited just because they are born different from others; in fact, I think God uses these special children in ways that other children cannot be used to accomplish His purpose. We see parts of God and His heart that we wouldn't normally get to see reflected in the faces and lives children with disabilities or handicaps. If God were to give me a child who was "different" for any reason, I would consider myself to be richly blessed. I've always thought that God calls and equips the parents of children with physical abnormalities or mental challenges in ways that He doesn't with other believers. He trusts them with much, and I believe that if they trust Him with what they have been given in return, He will use them and their wonderful children to impact the lives of others in powerful ways. The world is a better place with these children in it, I think it's abominable that unborn children who "might" end up dealing with one or more of these issues frequently have their lives cut short by parents who deceive themselves into believing they are being merciful by sparing them from hardship. I don't mean to rant, especially about things I haven't experienced and don't fully understand. But in my limited knowledge I am certain that, as Dr. Denmark championed in her lifetime, every child deserves a chance. God is loving, and He extends His grace to all of us because we have all fallen short and are in need of His forgiveness. If you are struggling with fear about your unborn child's health, let me encourage you and remind you that God is in control of all things. He sees your child's future, and if you trust Him - whether it ends well or not - that child will bless your life in ways you could never have imagined!

"Some people were even bringing infants to Him so He might touch them, but when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. Jesus, however, invited them: 'Let the little children come to Me, and don't stop them, because the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you: Whoever does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.'" -Luke 18:15-17

If you're reading this, and you were born with some kind of physical or mental challenges, know that there is nothing wrong with you. Society may not see your worth, but you are priceless to the God who formed you in the womb personally and with great joy. Don't allow the enemy to discourage you into thinking you aren't enough, that there's something "wrong" with you, or that God cannot use you because of the ways you are different. You've been fearfully and wonderfully made by a Creator who knew you before you were formed (Psalm 139:13-16).

Two weeks from now, I'll be where I was in the pregnancy when Addie joined and left us. I'm not worried about that day at all, but I am curious about how it will effect me. Sometimes when you think something won't make you sad, it does; and sometimes it's the other way around. Based on how well my checkups have been going, I don't expect any problems to arise. I think that 23rd week will come and go quickly, and a few short weeks after that we'll be going in to have the cerclage removed. But even if things don't go as planned (which is always a possibility), I know that God is working all things together for good. Things don't always go the way we think they should, but God never abandons us. He is always good, even when our circumstances aren't.

Thank you, Lord!

"But as for me, God's presence is my good. I have made the Lord God my refuge, so I can tell about all You do." -Psalm 73:28

Second Pregnancy Update: 20 Weeks

20 weeks!

20 weeks, and no negative symptoms to report!

A Few Thoughts
It astounds me that I'm already half way (or possibly less, depending on when Baby Girl decides to come) through this pregnancy! It wasn't long ago that I was twenty weeks with Addie, and I'm only a few weeks away from entering new pregnancy territory (at least for me, since Addie came at 23 weeks). I'm expecting this to feel sort of like a first pregnancy before long, since I haven't finished a second trimester or experienced a third yet. I'm interested to see what these stages of pregnancy are like!

Occasionally this week I've felt just a little bit of round ligament pain, which is normal for this point in the pregnancy. I remember dealing with it around this time in my pregnancy with Adelyn as well. It only lasts for a few seconds, and is very mild, so I haven't been too uncomfortable. There was also a day this week after eating a meal that G laughed at me for having a little bit of a pregnancy waddle! Both of us think that I am showing more at 20 weeks with this baby than I was at 20 weeks with Addie. I certainly feel bigger this time around!

Tonight is our second Bradley birthing class, and everything is going well so far. There were a few awkward moments last week when we had to watch videos of labor and delivery, but we got through it without too much scarring! The exercises I've had to do are very low-impact, and have been really relaxing. Relaxation is a fundamental part of the Bradley method of child birthing, and I think I will see a big difference (for many reasons) between this labor and my labor with Addie. In addition to several new exercises, I've also had to keep close records of the food I eat with the goal of consuming at least 100g of protein daily. Although I did have to add a few more protein-packed snacks to my eating regimen, it hasn't been quite as challenging to meet that quota as I expected it would be.

Next Wednesday is the 20 week anatomy ultrasound with the perinatologist. He'll be examining Baby Girl closely from head to toe to check for abnormalities and take measurements. I'm curious to see what her weight and length will be. How funny would it be if I ended up with a big baby? That probably won't happen, but it's amusing to think about!

Second Pregnancy Update: 19 Weeks

19 weeks, and another shirt from Nana!

I'm happy to report (once again) no fatigue, food aversions, cravings, or nausea!

A Few Thoughts

The progesterone shots are going well, and Baby Girl's movements have become more frequent. This week especially, she's been kicking up a storm at all hours of the day!

I'm already noticing some differences between this baby and Addie that are very interesting. Addie would go crazy whenever music was played or during worship at church, and she would get still whenever the sermon would start (probably tired out from dancing). This baby doesn't seem to care about music at all yet, but she starts wiggling every time a pastor starts preaching, and frequently while we're watching movies. We're speculating that she will be a laid-back little girl who enjoys sermons (I wonder who she might be taking after)!

Tonight, G and I are starting birthing classes that will continue for 12 weeks. By the time they're over it should be close to when the cerclage comes out, so whether I go into labor quickly or continue to carry Baby Girl for a few more weeks, we should be well prepared this time. Our instructor will be teaching us the Bradley Method, and we're reading Husband-Coached Childbirth by Robert A. Bradley, MD. So far, I think it's really interesting. I'm looking forward to learning new things about child birth. Even though we haven't finished the book yet, I already highly recommend it to any woman looking for a good child birthing method.

Second Pregnancy Update: 18 Weeks - It's A...

18 Weeks, and new clothes from my Nana!

No fatigue, food aversions, cravings, or nausea to report on this week!

A Few Thoughts
I had a post-op appointment with my perinatologist on Wednesday. G remarked that the days leading up to it seemed to drag by, and it's probably because we were so excited about this particular appointment. While I had been convinced that this baby was a girl for a long time, as the day drew near I felt less confident. Wednesday arrived, and I had no "mommy vibes" leaning in either direction, and I had reached a place emotionally where I was just as eager for a boy as I was for a girl.

The ultrasound technician checked the cerclage stitches, then moved on to examine the baby. Although this wasn't the visit for the full anatomy examination, she spent a lot of time looking at each part of baby's body to make sure everything was progressing normally. I mentioned that the perinatologist said we could try and find out the sex, and she said she would do her best (though it was really up to baby whether or not we found anything out). When the time came, baby was very obliging, and the technician told us we were having a girl.

Profile (it wasn't very clear because of her angle, and because
she was wiggling a lot.

First foot.

Second foot.

Side view (sort of - she was laying in a weird position).

A girl! It's another girl!

Immediately this sense of peace and overwhelming gratitude toward God washed over me. I just laid there staring at our baby on the screen, feeling humbled. God was restoring in a special way what was lost to us last year (though I never really felt that Addie had been "lost" at all). There was also this strange sense of de-ja-vu as I remembered a similar ultrasound appointment with a different doctor not so long ago when we were also told we were having a girl. It was a sweet moment for me and G.

This baby girl in no way replaces Adelyn, but there is a unique feeling of fulfillment that accompanies this wonderful news. Addie's time is over and her purpose was fulfilled, but God has plans for this little one are yet to be known. I'm excited to see what He has in store for her! Whether she lives a long life, or whether her days with us are brief, I believe that she will bring glory to God and point others to Christ just like her big sister did.

On a funnier note, I used to be baffled by other parents who would get their children's names mixed up. I thought, "How can it be so difficult to remember their own child's name?" Well interestingly enough, I have already called this baby "Addie" a few times, even though she has her own (secret) name! It may sound sad, but G and I found it to be very humorous! Though we have decided not to reveal her name before she's born (just like with Addie), it has already proven to be a challenging task. I have come dangerously close to blurting it out accidentally many times, so we'll see how long I can make it without spilling the beans!

"Great are the works of the LORD; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures forever. He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and compassionate." -Psalm 111:2-4

Second Pregnancy Update: 17 Weeks

17 Weeks!

This update will be short, since there isn't much to report on. Here we go!

Fatigue: Mild
It doesn't seem that the progesterone injections have any physical effect on me, but Baby has been keeping me up at night with lots of kicking. He or she appears to be somewhat of a night owl so far (taking after G). I'm not a bit sorry, though!

Food Aversions, Cravings, and Nausea: None

A Few Thoughts
Baby movements are continuing to increase, which I treasure greatly. G and I finally decided between the two girl names we had picked out, so when we [hopefully] find out whether Baby is a boy or a girl next week, we'll be able to name him or her right away (even though the name will remain a secret until the birth). Although we will both be thrilled regardless of what the baby's sex is, it will be a little bit more special if we're having another girl because it would be like God is restoring what was lost (even though He is either way). I'm getting more and more excited the closer we get to the appointment. There are also some feelings of nervousness, because I don't know what my reaction to the good news will be (emotional, overjoyed, content, etc.). Regardless, I believe that it's going to be a great day.

G gave me my weekly progesterone injection yesterday. It was my second injection, but the first one he had done. There was no doubt in my mind that everything would go smoothly, and it did. In fact, my Honey did an even better job than the nurse who injected me the first time! There was no pain and no bruising, and my body didn't react negatively at all (no flushed face, no feelings of internal coldness or heat, no dizziness) - which is something that never happens now. All those years of giving injections to livestock really paid off!

Second Pregnancy Update: 16 Weeks

16 Weeks!

Happy (late) Valentine's Day!

Fatigue: Mild
I've had a lot more energy this week!

Food Aversions: None

Cravings: None

Nausea: None

A Few Thoughts
It's been over a week since the cerclage procedure took place, and there haven't been any problems so far. We were concerned at first that one of the stitches had come loose, but found out that the perinatologist left some of the thread long on purpose to make the cerclage easy to remove later. Although I was initially a little bit sore and tired, I bounced back very quickly and now I feel great!

On Friday, G and I went into the OB's office so a nurse could show him how to administer the progesterone shots I'll be taking once a week. I was not looking forward to it at all. I have a vasovagal response to needles, which means I have to lay down when I have blood drawn or shots given to me or I will pass out. Fortunately, I have to be laying down to receive the progesterone shots anyway, so passing out isn't an issue. However, my body still reacts negatively even if I remain conscious. Typically my face will get very flushed, I will occasionally be very trembly (though that doesn't happen much now), and it feels like my blood runs cold even though my skin still feels warm. Anyway, when the nurse gave me the shot, G said my face immediately got red and blotchy, but it went back to normal after a few minutes. The experience wasn't as bad as I thought, and I'm not concerned about having to go through that every week. It did take me 30-45 minutes to feel myself again after we got home, but thankfully it doesn't look like I'm allergic to anything in the medicine. G will be giving me an injection every week until I reach 37 weeks (or until Baby is born - whichever comes first).

The baby bump was really showing on
Thursday night when G and I went to an
early Valentine's Day dinner together!

Today I registered for birthing classes with a lady who teaches The Bradley Method. The classes don't start until the 28th, but I'm really excited. These are the same classes I was getting ready to register for when I went into premature labor with Addie, and of course there was no need to take the classes then. I'm looking forward to having more laboring, breathing, and pain managing techniques to call upon when I go into labor with this baby!

Speaking of this baby, he or she has been very active this week! I've felt a couple of small movements a day for quite a while now, but over the last seven days there has been a significant increase in the frequency and intensity of baby wiggling. Baby kicks are some of the most amazing and wonderful things I've ever experienced, and not feeling them anymore was one of the hardest parts for me about losing Adelyn. God is good, and He has seen fit to bless us with that incredible feeling again. Lately, Baby White #2 has been kicking and squirming many times at all hours of the day. I don't even have to be sitting down in order to feel them! G can feel them too, and it never fails to bring a smile to both of our faces.